New York Ain’t That New

February 14, 2013

This is the New York that's in Las Vegas. It's different from the real New York.

This is the New York that’s in Las Vegas. Would you believe it?! It’s different from the real New York.

Who doesn’t love a 4:30 a.m. wake-up call?

A head start to the day! So much energy to get started! So much more time to get things done! Starting early really is great…until that 2:30 feeling hits you at 10:15.

Anyway, in order to get to Manhattan in time for rush hour, you have to leave my house in North Carolina by 5:00 a.m.. So, that’s what I did. It took less time to get from my bed to LaGuardia than it did to get from LaGuardia to Midtown. It’s the price we pay for a day of productive and meaningful meetings.

And, since . . .

Being Five Minutes Early Is On Time. On Time Is Late. And Late Is Unacceptable.

. . . I showed up early. I invested the time in a walk around the block.

The people on this ice skating rink looked like Olympians. Skating on one skate, skating in reverse, backflips. It was impressive.

The people on this ice skating rink in Bryant Park looked like Olympians. Skating on one skate, skating in reverse, backflips. It was impressive.

Once the meetings began, I was struck by the mahogany walls and dusty books…most of which, it appeared, hadn’t been opened in the forty years since they were put on the shelf. And, really, who can blame them with titles like Catalogus Lichenum? I don’t want to read that. Do you want to read that?

It was warm and inviting. There was a fire.

It was warm and inviting. There was a fire.

Anyway, after a long day of deep and searching discussions about the future fate of humanity (perhaps I’m stretching the topics beyond their hemispheres of truth), I set out to see a show. People who come to New York always talk about the “Shows.”

  • “Oh, we saw a show!”
  • “You must see this show.”
  • “The show was Ahhh-mazing.”

They stretch “show” into a multisyllabic symphony that — I assume — makes them feel like actors. I didn’t feel like the actors in the shows.

Seeing the thing made me feel inadequate. These people in these shows really are ahhh-mazing. The talent is incredible. They sing. They dance. They act. They probably do backflips on ice skates in Bryant Park. And I just sit there like a loaf digesting my hamburger.

My favorite part of the show – excuse me, shooooooow – was the lady who chose to send the following text message during the intermission:

There’s a bee-atch sitting next to me twirling her hair (for one hour now) and keeps hitting me with her hair I want to kick her but there are too many witnesses.

You’re rightfully wondering how I could have read the text. Her phone was set at 75 point font.

In any event, although spending less than 24 hours in New York is not enough, home beckons so home I go.

{ 1 comment }

I was flattered when Doug Clark over at the Greensboro News & Record invited me to contribute some excerpts from this blog to their paper. I was humbled when I saw the result this morning. So, if the $382 in valuable coupons weren’t enough, you could also enjoy your bowl of Cheerios with my smiling face staring back at you!

Masthead

RTW NR

It gave me the brief feeling of living the dream of being a travel writer!

{ 4 comments }

In what I think will be the final act of this RTW adventure, I headed to Raleigh a couple of days ago to pick up a package I sent myself from Cape Town.

The package went air mail. It turns out it sat in Cape Town for about two weeks before grabbing a spot in the bottom of a Virgin Atlantic flight to Washington’s Dulles International Airport. From there, it was ungenerously tossed into the back of a truck bound for Raleigh.

This is where the story becomes less interesting for you, but infinitely more frustrating for your dear writer.

After some research, I discovered that the parcel was waiting in a warehouse near the airport. Thanks to a combination of Google Maps and a dose of intuition, I drove about an hour and walked into a sparse office on Innovation Boulevard expecting a quick ID Check, signature request, and handoff.

Instead, I was sent to the United States Customs and Border Patrol (USCBP) office at the Raleigh Airport. I must have looked frightened because the man behind the counter said,

“Oh. No worries, man. Everybody has to do it. It’s no fun, but everybody’s gotta do it.”

He was correct. It turns out USCBP really stands for United States Citizens Be Patient. The experience swallowed an entire afternoon.

There was no one around when I arrived at Customs. There was, however, a sign that indicated I should call 919-674-3400. When I called, I was told to wait an hour because everyone was busy. So, I sat there in the lobby with four chairs and a time clock (it loudly clicked every minute). Every five minutes, the lights would go out, which meant I had to flail around to activate the motion sensor.

A couple of officers visited me during my stay.

I’m not sure whether I appreciated the woman with the helmet hair who stared at me for a moment-too-long before saying, “You’ll just have to wait another hour” or the young officer with the peach fuzz mustache who, when I asked for help, said, “It’s my quittin’ time. So…” Implicit was the sentiment that, ‘I ain’t gonna help ya.’

Neither provided any semblance of assistance.

After the hour had past, I called the number again. A woman who burped “Hello, how can I help you?” answered. When I explained my situation, she hung up on me.

Finally, 2.5 hours later, an officer came out and offered to help me. Five minutes later, I was on my way.

Oh, and what was in the box? Some trinkets and trash from Greenmarket Square.

{ 0 comments }

The Christmas Pilgrimage

December 26, 2012

Every year, millions of people load up presents, climb into their cars, and flock toward their families. This year, I was one of those millions. You probably were, too.

After almost 90 hours in airplanes, I figured three hours in a car to see my mother wouldn’t be too difficult. Unfortunately, those millions of people who loaded up presents, climbed into cars, and flocked toward families got in my way. The traffic was less-than-pleasant.

My mother lives in her hometown of Tazewell, Va. It’s in Southwest Virginia with a population just north of 122. If you’ve ever seen the Andy Griffith Show you’re intimately familiar with Tazewell.

And because it’s what one does, I battled the traffic to celebrate Christmas with my mother.

She wasn’t really expecting me because holidays have always surprised my family. As a kid, it was not unusual to hear something like . . .

“Wait. What!? It’s Halloween? Here, why don’t you wear this bucket on your head? You can go as a talentless singer.”

Despite the passing decades, it’s nice to know that not much has changed.

One of my family’s Christmas traditions involves a discussion of how it, “Just doesn’t feel like Christmas.” Then, we briefly talk about playing Christmas music and inevitably decide we’d rather watch action movies. Nothing says “Christmas” in our house like Fragile, Ransom, or Tremors.

Apparently, we also forgot to get our turkey and ham and whatever. Candidly, I’m being generous with the “we.” It was my mother who forgot that we needed to eat on Christmas Day. I headed out to the Tray Ting House.

Who doesn't love a Chinese Chicken with a Lobster on a tray?

Who doesn’t love a Chinese Chicken with a Lobster on a tray?

A little-known fact about the American melting pot is that every town – no matter its size – has a Chinese restaurant that’s open nearly every day of the year. So, Christmas dinner was a sweet and sour chicken combination platter.

I asked the cashier how many people would come through on Christmas Day.

“You would be surprised,” she said with a combination of disappointment and consternation. That’s all I got, my egg roll had finished frying.

A few hours later, I was hungry.

Hope you and your family had a wonderful Christmas!

{ 0 comments }

When I set out on this journey, I planned to take in the world, not take it on. I went to places I’d read about, but never seen. Nowhere I visited was “undiscovered.” There were Starbucks, Apple Stores, and KFC’s most everywhere I went (for the record, I avoided them all).

I planted no flags, claimed no lands, delivered no blankets covered with smallpox. I’m not Columbus, da Gama, or Magellan. I just wanted to meet some new people, learn about these places, and begin to understand just how big the world is.

And it’s freaking huge. This fact first occurred to me as I rode along the bridge from Copenhagen, Denmark to Malmö, Sweden. Surprising, I know, that it would take me so long. But, if you don’t already realize it, I’m generally an idiot. Anyway, as Michael and I went over, I looked down and saw the ocean (nearly 200 feet below). When I did, I thought about all of the explorers, sailors, tradesmen, and prisoners who have sailed to the places I was visiting. It would take, for example, six months for a convict to get to Australia from Britain in the early days. Now you can do it in less than 24 hours. That’s amazing, really.

Even though the world has gotten a bit smaller, it’s still big. And seeing so much of it in such a short period of time was, in some ways, difficult. But, as the French journalist Alphonse Karr said,

“The more things change, the more they stay the same.” And he was right.

There was a lot of change in a very short period of time on this trip. Eleven airports (Amsterdam’s was nice, but Sydney’s is cooler). Seven currencies (South Africa’s was the best looking). Eight hotel rooms (Queenstown was the nicest). On several occasions, like this one, I had no idea where I was (it’s off-putting to think, “Which continent am I on?”). But, as Mr. Karr predicted, all of that change got me into a kind of groove: Wake up. Explore something. Write about it. Go to bed. Repeat.

It hasn’t always been easy, though. Traveling alone means doing everything alone. Including eating (only four of my meals have been with other people). And, speaking of food, I’ve never known exactly what, where, or when my next meal would be. Finding a bathroom was a constant struggle, which meant I didn’t drink enough water and so was dehydrated for a large portion of the trip. Oh, and not having my phone to constantly fiddle with has meant that I have actually been observing the world rather than ignoring it. There’s a lesson in there.

Other aspects have been relatively easy. Dealing with time changes, for example, hasn’t been as difficult as I thought (although, maybe coming home will be a struggle?). There are, in my opinion, two secrets to dealing with jet lag. First, take a Melatonin pill on the plane (it’s the naturally occurring chemical that puts you to sleep). And, second, force yourself to stay awake until a normal bedtime when you land.

People have asked what I’ve learned. A lot. For example, people in other countries don’t line up for things, they queue. And, very often, that queue is for a toilet (they don’t “go to the bathroom” and they certainly don’t even think about “going to the restroom”).

The biggest takeaway, however, is just how similar people are from all over the world.

Are you ready for my deep thought of the day? Can you handle it? Okay, here goes:

People are people no matter their country of origin.

It’s true. Some are idiots. Some are incredibly kind. Some are (forgive me) jerks. In fact, there are jerks from countries you think are filled with nice people and there are nice people from countries you think are filled with jerks. To that point, I know plenty of Americans who aren’t loud cowboys with a camera around their neck, which is what many foreigners think of us. I met great people from countries we’re supposed to hate (Iran, for example). I also met really awful people from countries we’re supposed to love (Canada, for example).

To borrow from President Kennedy,

“Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future.”

As I look back on this trip, it’s impossible to believe that it’s been only one month. One month usually passes without much notice. It’s just 30 days — well, in this case, 34 — and you don’t pay a lot of attention to it. In the past, I’m sure I’ve spent an entire month sitting on a couch, accomplishing nothing. But, if you set your mind to it, it’s amazing what you can do with just one month.

Here’s what these 34 days have contained:

It’s not overstating it to say this has been the most amazing experience of my life. I can’t begin to tell you how fortunate I feel to have had this opportunity.

My favorite memories are of Cape Town and jumping out of an airplane. Hong Kong was my least favorite place because they’ve bulldozed everything old and replaced it with shiny, new shopping malls. There’s a lesson in there, too.

When sensitive people find out what I’m doing, they inevitably ask whether I’ve been lonely. The short answer surprises me, “No.” Of course, I’ve missed everyone back home, but technology has brought you all closer and there’s been so much to do everyday. I’ve encountered many kind people. And it’s impossible to be bored when you make the world your playground.

They say travel changes you. I don’t think I’m dramatically different. My perspective is a bit broader, perhaps. I have new friends. For most of my life I eschewed “vacations.” I was wrong about that.

Oh, and it turns out the greenest grass is back home. I can’t wait to get back!

{ 7 comments }

Yesterday afternoon, I stepped into an Irish Pub. It was Trivia day and the guys I sat next to were playing. When I added Fiji, Chad, Iran, and Iraq to their list of “Fully sovereign nations with four letters,” they asked me to join their team.

I’m afraid that saying, “Yes” was a bit of a mistake.

That’s because they turned out to be Irish. And these guys lived up to their hard-drinking reputation.

I told them about my Irish Heritage to which one responded,

Why is it that every American claims to be Irish?

The next thing I knew, I woke up at 10:00 this morning and my head was pounding. In fact, it still is.

I don’t remember much, but this picture of a tree was on my phone this morning. Hey, at least it’s like a Christmas Tree.

And the sunset was quite a sight, too (apparently).

I’m exaggerating a bit. I do remember earning the nickname, “Token” (as in Token American) and eating a McDonalds Kiwiburger (they add an egg and beetroot)

The moral of the story? Don’t try to keep up with Irishmen. They can outdrink you.

As I think about my time here in New Zealand, I’m very pleased.

In this country, a Kiwi is a bird, a fruit, and a citizen. How three very different things can have the same name remains a mystery. Asking doesn’t seem appropriate. These are a very, very proud people.

And I can’t say that I blame them.

Not since Cape Town have I been so impressed by a place. Especially Queenstown and the South Island. The terrain is unreal. So much so that it has played prominently in many science fiction movies including Lord of the Rings, X-Men, and the Hobbit. By the way, The Remarkable Mountains stood in for the American Rockies in one of the X-Men movies.

If you’re considering a trip down here, begin by visiting your doctor for a full physical. You’ll want to be sure you’re healthy enough to have adrenaline pumping through your body at full speed for days on end.

There’s no limit to the adventures you can have here. Whether you want to tie yourself to a bridge and jump off of it, hop out of an airplane, leap off a cliff, or squeeze through canyons in a boat at unbelievable speeds (it was crazy good. Here’s a video), you can do it here. They’re always coming up with something new, too. In fact, if you were to leave today, they will have invented some new way to get a rush (and get you to pay for it) by the time you arrive.

I’m still smiling.

I can’t say enough good things about New Zealand. The people have been welcoming and kind (even the Irish ones), the food has been spectacular, and the activities have been surreal.

Speaking of food, farming is the number one cash generator for this country, which means everything is fresh. I really like lamb and New Zealand lamb has such a rich flavor (although seeing so many soon-to-be-slaughtered six month old sheep has slowed my intake a bit).

To that point, as you’ve probably heard, there are a lot of sheep down here. There are nearly 10 sheep for every 1 human. However, there aren’t as many as there used to be. The number is down to 35 million sheep this year from a high of about 70 million in 1978. They’ve been replaced by deer and beef cattle.

I saw this deer back in Rotorua at the exhibition farm.

The deer here were introduced in the back in the late 19th century and became a pest by the 1950s. While the government was trying to determine what to do about the problem, a couple of clever Kiwis jumped in a helicopter and started capturing them with nets. They then started to farm them for the venison (which is very tasty, I had some at the Japanese-Cook-in-Front-of-You-Place in Auckland). The Chinese are also big fans of the velvet, which they consider an aphrodisiac. Whatever it takes, eh?

The history of these islands is far longer than the European take-over. The Maori are a fascinating group. Before the Europeans showed up, there were many Maori Tribes who got along with each other more or less peacefully. However, when the Europeans began to take more land in the mid nineteenth century, the Maori fought back sparking the aptly named “New Zealand Wars.” It’s sad that I knew nothing about this conflict or the natives here. That will change. After seeing the Maori Cultural Performance at the Auckland Museum, I’m fascinated by the culture and people.

Generally speaking, this is a country that welcomes its tourists with open arms. They’re excited to host you and make you feel like part of the Kiwi family. Get yourselves down here soon. You won’t regret it!

{ 0 comments }

Welcome to the Sky

December 15, 2012

I can’t talk about my day without acknowledging what happened in Connecticut. It’s impossible to imagine anything more sad. As I’ve encountered people from all over the world today, when they learn I’m American, they have offered their condolences. It’s amazing how connected we all are. People can debate the question of gun control legislation (I’ve got my thoughts, which are inappropriate for this forum), but one lesson is that life is terribly tentative. We must live each day to its fullest.

So, that’s what I did today.

The day was fraught with anticipation. Milford Sound was on my agenda. The views, I’d been told, were incredible.

Image courtesy of the good, ole Googler.

I set my alarm clock for 6:30 a.m., woke up, and waited for my ride. Along it came and away we went. About two hours into the drive, we got some bad news. The road to Milford Sound was closed because they were worried about rock slides.

Many of the roads in this part of the country were hand-built with picks in the mid nineteenth century (that’s the 1800s, folks) to reach backcountry gold mines. They were designed as half-lane gravel jobs that hug cliff edges. Not much has changed in the last century-and-a-half. Dangerous doesn’t begin to describe them. If the authorities close a road, it’s some serious business.

Okay. Two things. First, not getting to Milford was really disappointing. I’ve been looking forward to seeing it for the entire trip. But, second, I don’t want to get plowed down a cliff by a boulder. That doesn’t sound like a fitting end to this trip. So I think the right call was made.

I filled my now-free afternoon the only way a sane person would.

I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane.

The feeling was truly indescribable. The rush was unbelievable. The fear was palpable. The experience can never be topped. Even so, I can’t wait to do it again. It’s the closest we can get to flying like the birds.

Probably the most unnatural thing a human being can do is to be flying along in a nice airplane with a tank full of fuel and suddenly, at 15,000 feet, say…

“Hmm. I don’t really want to wait for this thing to land. Let’s just jump.”

It’s foolish. It’s idiotic. Saying it’s insane is not a stretch. It’s simply not what we do.

But I did it.

60 seconds of free falling is a long time. Especially when your body is hurtling toward earth — even a beautiful part of it here in Queenstown — at more than 120 miles per hour.

The grin that’s still on my face will probably stay there for a full two weeks.

That’s an airplane. It’s not on the ground, but I’m leaving it.

As strange as it sounds, I’ve always wanted to touch a cloud.

I considered Lake Wakatipu ”insurance” in case we missed the landing.

Graceful? No. But the good news was that the parachute worked!! Thank you Jesus.

If this blog post isn’t enough proof, here’s a photo. I did land. Well, Kras, landed. I just stuck my legs out.

My new close friends, and fellow jumpers, Amar and Sonar. They’re from India. Jumping out of an airplane together makes you very close. Sonar told me Milford wasn’t worth my time, anyway

As I was leaving, a Sky Diver said,

“Welcome to the Sky.”

Well, sir, I’ll be back! And I can’t wait.

Milford Sound, what?

Oh, and don’t worry, I got a DVD, which I’ll be very happy to show you at anytime I’m already planning dinner parties where it will play prominently.

{ 3 comments }

Queenstown is Remarkable

December 14, 2012

The Remarkables, in the middle of this picture, are one of only two mountain ranges on earth that run directly north/south. Click the image for a larger version.

Saying the Remarkable Mountains, which stand guard over Queenstown, are “remarkable” is a bit like telling a tall person he’s tall.

“Hey! How’s the weather up there, guy?”

Sure, it’s true, but you’re not the first idiot to say it.

Even so, they are pretty freaking remarkable. So much so, in fact, that after looking at them from Bob’s Peak (taking the steepest cable car in the Southern Hemisphere), I needed to get up close. Since this trip is coming to a close, time is of the essence so I booked a helicopter flight (not everything on a vacation has to make complete sense). What I didn’t know is that we actually got to land on the mountains.

It was spectacular. Click for a larger version of this picture.

Wow!

I haven’t said that too often on this trip. None of the pictures I took do this any justice. It was incredible, but one fellow passenger – a British man named Richard – was truly moved.

“This is. Oh. Jeeze. I. Words. I’m getting. Emoti…This is so embarrassing.”

You can say that again, Dick. He started tearing up. We all did our best to pretend not to notice and look away. Of course we all snuck peaks of the poor sucker. Then, when we caught sight of each other, our eyes got big as if to say, “Are you seeing this? Can you believe this?”

I wonder whether whoever named the mountains had the same reaction?

William Gilbert Rees was the first to settle in this part of the world. He, like most men in this country, apparently loved sheep.

Picture two European blokes looking at the range for the first time:

“Hmm. Well Alex, those mountains over there are nice looking. What do you think?”

“Oh. My. God. Bill, they’re simply amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it. Oh, I’m becoming overwhelmed. Blubber, blubber. Oh, I can’t stop the tears! It’s remarkable!”

“Get over yourself, Alex. Anyway, did you say ‘remarkable?’ I think we can sell that. Let’s call them ‘The Remarkables.’”

My Natural Disadvantage

I’m at an unusual disadvantage in this country. The locals seem to think the most remarkable things about New Zealand are The Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movies. They’re big down here. And I do mean big. As in B-I-G. Even the Air New Zealand flight safety video is like a scene from one of the films.

So, today, (on what must be the windiest day of the year) I saw some of the locations from the filming down here. It turns out many of the locals were used as extras. For example, there was a scene where some bad people were chasing after some good people. Everyone was on horseback and they needed to ride through a river. This was apparently too much for the actors so they got some local girls in a pony club to stand in. Nothing like a Kiwi to take on a challenge.

I was the only member of our little troupe who had not seen the movie. I now know what it felt like to be a leper.  As Tim the tour guide said,

Sorry if some of what I’m saying sounds like gibberish, but you should have seen the movies.

That’s a long way to fall.

One stop took us to the highest point on a half-lane gravel road. The view – through two giant boulders that acted like a wind tunnel – was magnificent. As we tasted blowing sand and grit, we were afforded the opportunity to gaze at a river that appeared somewhere in one of the movies. I, however, was far more concerned with my traveling companion. She was a 42 pound woman from Singapore who was nearly picked up by the wind and carried away. Thank goodness for the Fergburger I ate before I left, which made me heavy enough to hold her down. The wind must have been going 80. We were all at 45 degree angles battling it.

See, I’m not making this wind up. My legs aren’t two different sizes. It was crazy!

The vistas were “worth writing home about!” That’s the backside of the Remarkables, by the way.

Our trek took us along one of the two roads in the country that void your rental car insurance contract. Thankfully Tim was a skilled driver.

This is an incredible place. Not since Cape Town have I been so amazed by a city. Table Mountain is still my favorite spot from this journey, but this is a close second.

{ 2 comments }

God Save the Queenstown

December 12, 2012

I’ve only just come into Queenstown from Auckland, but may I illustrate the difference between these two cities?

For starters, this is the view from my Queenstown hotel room.

Auckland is a big city — beautiful — but big. It’s not unlike Philadelphia. Queenstown is more like, say, Vail.

As I was leaving my hotel in Auckland first thing this morning, I noticed a bar called the “Albion” across the way. They proudly proclaim on signs that all of their bars remain open 24/7. It was about ten minutes to seven this morning when I glanced at the door. Two men tumbled out. They were of vastly different dimensions. Everything happened so fast, so I hope you’ll accept my questionable eye-witness account. One man looked to be about nine feet tall and the other maybe four. The former, it appeared, had a significant height advantage.

The two began shouting at one another (about what, I know not). Then, the smaller man started pounding — gorilla-like — on his chest. All of the sudden the two (ahem) gentlemen began running toward each other. Have you ever seen a science documentary where a pair of mountain goats get ready to ram horns? That’s what this was like. I was beginning to get excited. Then, all of the sudden, a city bus drove by. And stopped. You might not believe me, and I won’t blame you if you don’t, but when the bus moved along, the taller guy was gone. Completely gone. His height advantage didn’t do it for him. Saved by the bus, I’d say.

We will never know what became of him. Although, I’d put a sawbuck on the fact that he’s a regular at the Albion. Or at least he used to be.

But I probably won’t be checking that place out anytime soon. As I said, I’m in Queenstown now. It’s a city of “adventure.” You can literally do anything you’d like to get an adrenaline kick. If it’ll give you a rush, you can do it here. Paragliding, Jetboating, Mountain Biking, you name it. Incidentally, hiking is quite safe here. There are no snakes, spiders, or bears. Just massive cliffs.

The adrenaline rush begins as your plane approaches landing at Queenstown’s airport. For about twenty minutes, you squeeze through mountain passes that extend far higher than your meager window. Then, when you think you’ve still got a way to go, you slam onto a runway built several hundred feet above the valley floor. It was incredible! We taxied back on the runway (there’s no space for a taxiway) and the flight attendent announced that we would be departing using “Ear Steers.”

Ear Steers = Air Stairs.

 

Now, it’s time to head out and explore this, the last city of this RTW Adventure. There’s plenty of time, though, since the sun stays up until about 10:00 and comes back at 5:45 or so.

{ 1 comment }

Yesterday was jam packed. Come to think of it, yesterday for me is today for you. So that means that what I’m about to tell you happened, is actually happening as you’re reading it. I’m getting a headache thinking about that. Unfortunately, after bar hopping in Sydney and wine tasting in South Africa, I’m out of Ibuprofen. I’ll suffer.

It stank.

So, yesterday was indeed jam packed. Upon the recommendation of the world’s best travel agent, Allyson [let me know if you want her number!], I joined a full-day tour of points south of Auckland. I took a ride on a boat through the Waitomo Caves as I gazed at glow worms. (By the way, apparently the acoustics in there are quite good so both Kenny Rogers and Glen Campbell have sung there – I’m no Kenny so I stayed quiet). I also smelled — and saw — a 50,000 year old geyser, and went on a tour of a farm. See what I mean by jam packed? However, it’s that last one that’s worthy of some explanation.

“PLEASE, get me out of here!”

Sheep. If you know nothing else about New Zealand, it’s likely that you know there are a lot of sheep here. A lot. So, when you are known for something, it makes a lot of sense to find another way to turn it into a profitable tourist attraction. New Zealanders are great at this.

The trip took us to Rotorua, which is New Zealand’s version of Myrtle Beach, but on a lake. Kitschy things to do are exceeded only by the number of motel rooms. You can play mini golf, gaze at black swans, see a Kiwi Bird (which was wonderful and inspiring; it’s the size of a chicken), ride in a ball that rolls down a hill, the list truly goes on.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t allowed to take pictures of the real one so this is all you get.

There’s also an exhibition farm. When you arrive, they rush you into a trailer attached to a tractor. Then they drive you around where you stare – in awe – at cows, sheep, and horses. These crazy New Zealanders can make money from anything. 350,000 people go through this every year.

Her name is “Valentine.” Get it?

Ostriches are everywhere. Remember the ones at Cape Point?

Following the tour (in which a trailer-full of happy tourists snap pictures of chickens and ducks), we are shown a sheep herding dog and then led to a barn. The mystery built.

It was a sheep shearing show! Oh golly gee!

It’s not a stretch to say that the people who work on an exhibition farm with a sheep show love their sheep. At some point in my youth, my grandfather explained how sheep were sheared. Seeing a man do it live was altogether different. My grandfather also explained the process of castrating rams, which I am happy to report was not demonstrated during my visit.

“No, really! PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE.”

Anyway, I’m about to board a flight to Queenstown. Which is too bad because the TV in the gate area is airing a series of infomercials. They sure do sell hard down here!

{ 1 comment }